Mother’s Day Humor – The Alphabet of Life
Mother’s Day is meant to be a joyous occasion – and it usually is. Forgotten – at least for one short moment are the tantrums, arguments etc that come along with kids. Mother’s Day is the time they can show their appreciation, no matter what age they are, before reverting to their normal way of behaving.
So Moms ….. take advantage of this opportunity ….. it only comes once a year.
Advice: The thing people who’ve never had kids like to give you at the check-out line
Behavior Therapy: Wine, chocolate and screaming at the kids – not necessarily in that order!
Cliff hanger: The child who’s learnt how to climb over the top stairgate
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would like to order dessert.
Empty Nest: The bedroom full of memories and the crap they left behind
Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mentions a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.
Irony: Your 3 years at college becomes a lifetime of ironing your kids’ clothes
Jigsaw: the missing piece you stub your barefoot toe on as you walk across the room
Kitten: the cute cat the kids swear they’ll look after then leave you to feed it and clear up all the mess (for kitten also substitute the words: guinea pig, rabbit, puppy, pony, pet chimpanzee, goldfish, stick insect ………)
Lifestyle: What you used to have before the kids started wrecking the joint
Money: The stuff that evaporates rapidly when you have kids
Naptime: What a mom tries to get for herself just seconds before her baby decides to wake up
Before kids – notepad, iphone, credit cards, make-up, theatre tickets, car keys
After kids: notepad, iphone, spent out credit cards, old program from school Christmas nativity play, spare diapers, wet wipes, rash cream, dribble bib, one odd sock, cracker crumbs, scrunched up tissues with dubious residues, Wheels on the Bus picture book, teething rattle, cuddly toy, headache pills ……. anyone seen my car keys?
Playtime: A learning experience for kids into the art of warfare (see Terrible Twos)
Quiet: The time to start worrying what the kids are up to
Right: What you will never be to your pre-teen and teenage kids
Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sleepover: Since you’ve had kids your sleep is definitely over
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with your saliva.
State of the Art: Your toddler’s first attempt at writing his name on your newly wallpapered dining room wall.
Summer vacation: What you need after you’ve returned from having one with the kids
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-Minute Warning: When your baby’s face turns red and he starts to make those familiar-grunting sounds.
The Terrible Twos: When your “recovery” glass of wine in the evening goes up from one to two
Uh-oh: Whatever they’ve done it’s already too late!
Vegetarian: What your teenage daughter decides to become, just when you thought family mealtimes couldn’t get any more complicated.
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
X Factor: Your kids’ suntan cream that’s mysteriously vanished by the time you get to the beach
Yes: The word that children confuse with No and Won’t until they’ve become adults with kids of their own.
Zoo: The place that you’d cheerfully leave them until they melt you with one of their cutie pie smiles
See our suggested gifts for Mother’s Day- see our Mother’s Day Jewelry Selection …
Or perhaps you would like to know more about the History of Mother’s Day…